Sunday, January 18, 2015

Review 5- The Legend of the Titanic (1999)

    Everybody knows about the Titanic, the ship of dreams that tragically sank in 1912, killing hundreds of innocent people. Also, everybody knows the 1997 James Cameron film by the same name, making the story even more tragic by adding lovable characters. Well, in Italy, some movie makers decided to make an animated adaptation of the film, just erasing all historical correctness, a non existing plot, and a rapping shark. Without further ado, lets rip into "The Legend of the Titanic".

    Our movie starts off with some talking mice children reading an article about the Titanic. Their Grandpa mouse explains that nobody actually died on the Titanic, and they got everything wrong. Ok, that's a great start! Let's just challenge history right away! The children then ask him to tell the real story, because he was a passenger of the Titanic. He agrees, and our story begins.

    It shows the boarding of the Titanic, with people and mouse alike eager to go on the ship. We then see Elizabeth (Jane Alexander), who is arguing with her father, because she is forced to marry a men she doesn't love, Evard Maltravers (Gregory Snegoff), who is a rich whaler. Little does the father know that it is all a scheme so Evard and Elizabeth's stepmother can get whaling rights.

   When Elizabeth and her family go aboard the ship, they see a group of gypsies dancing on the dock, and she specifically watches Don Juan (Francis Pardeilhan), who is dancing with his dog (I guess he just can't find girls with that hairdo). He sends his dog Smiley to go see her, and as she takes off her glove to pet her, he snatches the glove and gives it to Don. After a rather creepy scene (Glove sniffing), the Titanic sails off.

   Two mice who are also on board Conners (who is also the grandfather) and Ronny decide to sneak off and see the first class. They see that Elizabeth isn't being treated well, so they decide to help her. She then walks to the bow of the ship, when she finds out she can talk to dolphins, because there were some magic moonbeams in her tears,,,, what kind of movie is this?

   The mice then introduce themselves to Elizabeth (Did the moonbeams let her talk to mice too?), and say that they will help her. Now with more pride... I guess... she tells her father that she doesn't want to marry Evard, and he takes it better than the first time she said it, when she said she would rather die (taking this movie's logic, I'm not surprised). Her stepmother is furious though, and Elizabeth responded by saying that she should marry him instead, which is honestly a great idea, since they're both evil, and are making the scheme together.

   The mice and the dog, who make an alliance, lead Don to Elizabeth, who dance without even sharing more than three lines of dialogue together (I guess its love at first sight). But meanwhile, Evard and the stepmother decide to make drastic measures, by making Evard's butler tell a gang of criminal sharks (Which raises another question, do they have the moonbeam too? And also, WHY!?) to sink the ship when they send a telegram. The mice overhear the conversation, and decided to chew apart the telegram wires.

   The sharks trick a giant octopus with a dog face named Tentacles (Just go along with it), into throwing an iceberg to the surface by saying they're having an "Iceberg throwing contest" even though sharks have no way to through the ice. Our diabolic duo then tie up the father, and by gunpoint force him to sign the wavers for whaling rights.

    The Titanic then runs into the iceberg, and they cant avoid it, because the sharks are holding onto the rudder. The ship then hits it, and starts to sink. The dolphins then start nagging at Tentacles about the Titanic, who holds onto the Titanic so the passengers can get off in time. The mice then find out that now that they cut the wire, they can't call for help. They find their friend Camembert, who volunteers to help by using his mustache to attack the wires (Which doesn't make much sense, but this movie has no sense), and it works, but he dies in the process.

  Don and Elizabeth find the father, and manage to untie him in time to escape the ship, The ship starts to break into two, so Tentacles rises to the surface to wrap his tentacles show they stay together. Our protagonists jump into the water, and they are saved by a whale (Ya, this movie is whale obsessed), and survive. Once everybody was off the ship, Tentacles couldn't hold on to the ship anymore, so he sinks with it, and is supposedly killed.

    The next day, everybody arrives in New York, and Don and Elizabeth get married, as well as Conners and some girl mouse that wasn't in the movie until then. All of the sudden, everybody runs to the Brooklyn Bridge, to see Tentacles is still alive somehow, and so is Camembert (Which is unexplainable because we saw him die). They then dance on the bridge, and have a happily ever after.

  The end of the movie is Grandpa Conners explaining that whales are still hunted to his grandchildren, who run away (Probably because they were terrified about their Grandpa's mental health) and we see then see Stella, walk in. And that's it.


    This is officially the worst movie I've reviewed so far. Not only does it make it no sense, it insults everybody who died on the Titanic, by changing history so it can have a happy ending. And can you believe, this actually has a sequel? Ya, I'll talk about that one soon. Well, I can say this is one of the worst animated movies I've ever seen (And I've seen Foodfight). Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go read about the REAL Titanic.

My Rating: 1/10. IMDB Rating: 1.3/10   Next Review: Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla (1952)



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