Review 12 - Rollergator (1996)

     Oh boy, two reviews in one day! Also, I know that Rifftrax have already covered both of the movies I've reviewed, but I've seen them both without riffing, so I decided to do my own reviews of them. But anways, "Rollergator". What a mess. This movie embodies physical pain into a form of cinema. It also has an all star cast - Joe Estevez (Werewolf, Soultaker) and Conrad Brooks of Ed Wood films, who's lines were removed for whatever reason on the print I viewed. Without further a do, lets summarize the dysfunctional plot of this madman Barney film/

     So basically, it's about a girl who saves a talking and RAPPING cOoOl and waAacky purple alligator from evil carnies Joe Estevez and his son, so she can return it to Conrad Brooks. On paper that doesn't seem like a bad idea for a movie. Expect for Joe Estevez - that should be last resort for a movie. Anyways, Estevez sends some really menacing ninja ladies after the duo to try to steal our radical, reptilious rapper, and as expected, hi-jinks ensue!

      After a lot of painful slapstick, our leading lady PJ and the alligator meet a karate instructor who was sent by Estevez to capture it, but instead teaches PJ how to defends herself, which ends up being completely pointless, as soon after she meets a girl named Slingshot, who uses - you guessed it- nun-chucks. No, of course she uses a slingshot. Eventually, the alligator and Brooks reunite, and Brooks puts some kind of curse on Estevez that turns him into an alligator. Truly a suitable punishment.

     Unlike "Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny", I don't recommend this one by any means. Its utterly painful for both the hardcore movie watcher and your everyday Joes. Please don't watch it. You can do better things with your li- what are ya Chromecasting there? WHAT DID I JUS TELL Y-

My rating : 1,5/10